#49 Tongue Rings, Tube Tops and Teen-Speak

Finding Your Own Style at "This" Age

I went shopping the other day and while trying on some clothing, the owner of the boutique came into the dressing room and handed me some shirts, dresses and pants she thought "would look great on me". "Really", I said, thinking that these items were meant for the teenager in the next cubicle. Anyway, I put on one of the shirts and came out to look in the mirror. The shirt was really cute, I admit, but so not appropriate for me, a 47 year old suburban housewife, blog writer, kiddie chauffeur, and yoga student. The next item, a pair of pants, were amazing. They were made of cotton and some other fabric that totally sucked in my thighs and rounded my tush. Woefully, when I tried to sit down in them, I almost caused new damage to an area that had already seen enough damage from the birth of my son with the "Charlie Brown Head". The last item I tried on was a dress that was cut so low and showed so much boob I thought it might be on backwards. Alas, it was on correctly. The owner [my age at the least] thought I looked "adorable" -- I looked at this attractively put-together woman and thought to myself that she looked, well -- silly. Silly, as in totally inappropriate.

My look has changed over the years to what I now call conservative-fun, with a little "urban" thrown in. I think most of us dress in a way that reflects the person we are, who we have become, our interests and our passions. I have a friend who is so "Green" that she won't wear leather shoes nor carry a leather brief case. Another friend dresses in what I consider a "preppy" look. However, no matter your fashion genre, at a certain age, certain articles of clothing just seem "not right". The question is: How are we supposed to know these things? My library doesn't carry the 'aging manual'. You know, the one that says what length your hair should be, the right way to wear make-up, and what you should be wearing at certain ages. The rules of our mothers don't all carry over to our generation.

For those of you thinking there are no rules, trust me, there are. If you are not being "judged" by your family and friends, strangers are looking at you and wondering what you are trying to prove. My son and I watched a talk show a couple of years ago where kids brought their moms for makeovers because they were embarrassed by the way their mothers dressed [too young and too sexy were the main reasons]. Another show, "How do I Look?" has friends and family members write in asking for help to change the way their loved one dresses because it is "inappropriate" for their age, their status, this century, whatever. I think if you look good in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini, and you're 47, more power to you. BUT, I don't think you should be flirting with the lifeguards... just my opinion.

Because there is no manual or documented record of what a women of a certain age shouldn't wear, I decided that I would make my own "what not" list of what I thought was inappropriate FOR ME. I'm not judging or questioning anyone else. This is just my list.... see, it says Bobbie's with an apostrophe-s.

Bobbie's What Not To Wear, Do, Say List

1. sparkly eye glitter

2. really short shorts, like cheek revealing [i don't care how thin i am]

3. short shirts that show my belly button [unless i'm in the gym]

4. pants or shorts with the brand name across the butt

5. thong sticking out the back of my pants [on purpose]

6. teen-speak [not sure I would know what I was saying if I chose to speak it]

7. purple fingernail polish [i'm ok with it on the toes]

8. siren red lipstick [vertical lip lines; need i say more?]

9. FM shoes [if you don't know what this is, you never owned them]

10. tongue ring [my husband, the oral surgeon, would divorce me]

11. mini skirts [i mean major mini]

12. tube tops [PUH-lease]

13. baby doll shirts [i'm too old to be pregnant... on purpose]

14. thong bathing suit [that's shocking at any age]

15. multiple piercings in one ear [that means probably more than 2, but I could be swayed to maybe 3 if it's done right]

16. "interesting" hair colors [ones that no one is ever born with, ie blue, pink, etc.]

It's hard to get older when you feel young at heart. However, since we all live in glass houses, me thinks it's important to remember that if you want to tell someone that what they are wearing isn't age appropriate, make sure your windows are shatterproof ....just in case a rock is coming your way. LOL

[actually, i may have to re-think #14 -- grandma doesn't look too bad in that thong...]

#48 Living on the Sumo Wrestler Diet

I know this may sound a bit odd, but I think inside my size 6 jeans, I was once a Sumo Wrestler. Do you know that they must eat 15,000 calories a day [that's not a typo]??? They also lie down the minute they are done eating so that their body produces fat. WOW!!!

I decided to do some research to see what I could learn about a Sumo Wrestler's diet and their exercise regime. For some inexplicable reason [duh], their eating habits fascinate me. Sumo wrestlers do everything we dieters and maintainers were told never to do, and yet, after reading about their lives, I realized that I pretty much lived like a sumo wrestler [when it came to eating] from my late teens to my late 20s.

Managers of Sumo wannabe's recruit athletic stocky men who are around 165 pounds. They don't recruit heavy or fat people for this job because it's believed they won't have the discipline, both in exercise and diet, that's needed to be a sumo wrestler. By following the Sumo diet, these men can get up to 200-250 lbs [average size], and some sumo wrestlers grow to 400, 500 and 600 pounds. Since sumo wrestlers don't fight in weight classes, the largest man is at a "large" advantage. Even though they are so large, they are great athletes. The exercises performed are all about building stamina and muscle, especially around the hips and in the legs. The goal during a match is not to be taken off your feet nor pushed outside the circle. Sumo Wrestlers train very hard, usually 4 - 6 hours daily. The rest of the time they are eating or sleeping.

Below is the Sumo Wrestler Diet.... You can look at the information below in a few ways. If you are trying to gain weight, then follow the information you are about to read. If you've gained weight, you now know why. If you want to lose weight, do everything opposite of what you are about to read. Good luck in whichever endeavor you wish to pursue.

Skip breakfast

By depriving their body of food after 8 hours of sleep, their metabolism slows down and makes burning calories more difficult. I spent YEARS not eating breakfast either to reduce my caloric intake or to bank those calories for later in the day when I knew I'd be hungry.

Eat 2 big meals a day

They skip breakfast, work out for 3 hours, and then eat their first feast. Their second meal is close to bed time. By starving the body, they send it into fat-storing mode -- the body's protection against famine. Gee, I spent YEARS skipping breakfast and waiting til dinner to eat... and then on into the night until bedtime.

Take a [food induced] siesta right after eating

As they sleep, fat cells multiply. I'd like you to meet Ms. Right and Ms. Left Thigh. Although I didn't climb into bed after eating, I did go back to the office and sit at my desk for a couple of hours after lunch, and after dinner, I did go into couch potato mode. I believe these two actions are close to climbing into bed after a meal.

Exercise on an empty stomach

Well, I'm not sure about this one because I've heard some trainers and read in some books that you can work out on the previous evening's calories, and then when your workout is over, eat high protein and low carb to build lean muscle. However, one of the articles I read said that by working out on an empty stomach, you make your metabolism run even slower so that it can conserve energy. Hmmm?!?!?

Eat with others in a social atmosphere

According to leading researchers, a meal eaten with others can be at least 44 percent larger and with 30 percent more calories and fat. OMG!!! College eating was all done surrounded by friends in cafeterias and dorm rooms, especially late at night.

Drink large quantities of beer

Alcohol increases cortisol levels which leads to fat deposits around the abdominal area, creating the ‘beer belly’. This is desirable in sumo wrestlers since a large stomach makes them more stable in the ring." Yea for me.. .. I don' t drink beer, but I did for many years use TAB and other diet drinks to fill me up so that I wouldn't eat. Different damage done, but still damage.

After reading all these articles on Sumo Wrestlers, one lesson really hit home. It's not what Sumo Wrestlers eat, it's the quantity they eat. Their main dish is a kind of stew with lots of rice and vegetables and a protein, like fish or red meat. Sumo wrestler's cholesterol isn't abnormally high nor is there a higher than normal incidence of diabetes. They do have problems with their joints because of their weight and there is a higher incidence of kidney problems, but overall, their health is good. I've been told, seen, and read numerous times that if you eat too much, the hours of exercise mean nothing. Monica Selles, a famous tennis player who battled with food addiction, said that she would work out and play tennis for 5 hours a day and then sabotage all that hard work with thousands of calories eaten on her sofa in front of the TV.

It seems, to lose or maintain your size, you need to focus more on the quantity of food you ingest, not how much you exercise nor what you eat [now don't get too excited, you know what you're supposed to eat]. If the American Meal has become Sumosized... have we?

Quote of the Day: The only gift is giving to the poor; All else is exchange. Thiruvalluvar, poet (c. 30BCE)

#47 How Salt and Pepper Can Save Calories

I get an Ezine (an email magazine for those who don't speak computer) everyday called the Daily Insight. A couple of Wednesdays ago, the article, "Posture Patterns" talked about observing people's postures and noting the way they sit, stand and move. The author then goes onto say that observing [poor] posture is the first step toward change. Hmm, this sounds somewhat familiar. This "observing" also works for people who have food issues. During sometime in the life of a "dieter" he or she has purposely observed a "normal" person eating.

My eating issues are two-fold; I eat quickly, and I can eat a lot. Nobody warned me that when you work in an Emergency Room, you sometimes don't eat during your 8 or 12 hour shift. You drink lots of coffee, you have bad breath, you chew a lot of gun, but you don't eat. During my first couple of months in the ER, I learned this lesson the hard way. I also learned to hold my bladder for 8-10 hours straight, but we can babble about that later. During a busy shift, I sometimes got lucky and would scarf down something while my patient was getting an X-ray or some other test. To this day, I need to remind myself to slow down, especially because I now know the rule -- it takes 20 minutes from the time you start eating for your brain to figure out that you are full. So, it makes sense that if you eat more slowly, you will have eaten less by the time your body realizes it's full. This is where observing others helps. During a meal, if I find myself speeding along, I slow down and keep pace with the other diners.

Feeling full, to me, just means that my stomach is pushing against my pants. It doesn't mean that I'm supposed to stop eating. Well, I know I'm supposed to stop eating, but sometimes I choose to ignore this signal. I remember seeing a news clip where they interviewed men and women who are 80 years plus, still in good health and leading vibrant lives. One practice they all had in common was that they ate until they were satisfied, not full. I know how to do this and I know how this feels.... great. Feeling satisfied is so much better than feeling full. Sometimes when Marc and I are out to dinner, we share an entree. Other times, I'll put a "sizeable tasting" on his plate (to get it off of mine), but more times than not, I have to depend on my own willpower to leave the food. Even when I'm feeling satisfied and/or full, the desire to pick can be very strong.

Over these last three decades, I've learned all the tricks to eating slowly, eating consciously, being in the moment and leaving food. Years ago I was out to lunch with my daughter [who was then about 5 or 6 years old] when she picked up the salt and pepper shakers and sprinkled her chocolate chip pancakes. She was talking to her pancakes telling them how much she loved them, and how tempted she was to "gobble them all up", but that if she ate more of them she would get a belly ache. When I asked her where she had learned this, she said that she had figured it out by herself. Maybe I should have been observing her eating habits for the past couple of years and not her table manners........

Moral of the story: Think back to the days when you were a kid and ate to fuel your body. Back then we understood the repercussions of feeling too full and knew intuitively that full meant stop ... even when we were 5 or 6 years old.



Quote of the Day: "The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials" --Chinese Proverb

#46 Things that Make Me Go Ah-Ha

Oh, I wish for so many things, like peace on earth, an end to global warming [and adult acne], and of course skinny thighs. I wasn't a chubby kid, but I was one of those meaty ones whose cute tushy and chunky thighs screamed, "take a nibble". Well, those thighs are still somewhat ample, but I'm not so sure that they are yummy anymore nor cute. Actually, my husband kind of liked "rolly polly" when I was combing the thesaurus for the right word to describe my thighs.

Cheerfully, I'm going to move away from descriptive thigh words and talk about my ah-ha's. I was in the salon reading the December 2008 Allure Magazine the other day when I came across an article called the Total Makeover. It showed 3 women in their before and after photos with their before and after weights and measurements for the readers to ooh and ahh over. Each woman talked about their professions, how they changed their diet, exercise, food plans, goals, etc. Heather, 31 and a University Fund-Raiser, said that her favorite tip was to make a list of the foods that she had been abusing. She said, ..."after she wrote them down, it was relatively simple to avoid them". This wasn't a major ah-ha for me, but I'm definitely going to try this. I've heard before that once you share something, or journal it, it loses its power over you. Let's hope.

Ok, onto other things that make me go ah-ha. I was thumbing through a book called The Hunger Within and saw something that rang true [no longer, thank g-d] for me. In this chapter, the author is working with a group of people who are sharing their histories. They discuss the "fat me" and the "thin me" and how their life, work and relationships would be different if they were thin. As I'm hearing their words in my head, I realize that they are using their body weight [ok, this is where I saw me] as protection, like a suit of armor. Because my body matured early, older boys and men would say things to me and interact with me like I was a woman. The problem was, chronologically I was 13, physically I looked 18, but my emotional/sexual mind was still a tween. The author says, "when your early environments were not safe and did not allow us to have effective boundaries, increased body weight can become an imaginary boundary". All I have to say about this is that I wish the weight was imaginary too. I mean I put on some serious boundary there for a while.

Next ah-ha, French women don't get fat -- or something like that. I was reading a blog recently where the blogger talked about her stay in France and of course the food she ate there... chocolate sandwiches for lunch, a pastry here, hot chocolate there. Well, you get the idea. She worried that when she arrived home and stepped on the scale things would not be so jolie [pretty in french speak]. However, when she did step on the scale, Voila... she had actually lost 3 pounds. She attributes this weight loss to all the walking and climbing -- certainly not her dieting. My ah-ha is that perhaps it's the consistent "exercising" that stokes the fire all day and helps the [french] body burn calories. I wonder if our working out for an hour in the morning [perhaps] does nothing for us in the afternoon. The French are walking or biking to and from stores, school and work, and if they take the bus, they may have to walk a mile or two each way. A couple of summers ago, in addition to my morning workout, I used to walk every evening after dinner. I had no trouble maintaining my weight that whole summer. This is something I think I need to revisit!!

Enough ah-ha's... Our raison d'etre [reason to be] should not be to cherchez et mange la plus [look for and eat the most]. As De La Sabliere says, "Il est difficle de vaincre ses passions, et impossible de les satisfaire" (It is difficult to master your passions and impossible to satisfy them). Sadly, it seems that for us food passionate people, sont vissées [we are screwed].

#45 My Dash List

During a presentation at a luncheon I recently attended, the guest speaker showed a slide asking this question: "What have you done with your dash?" On the next slide there stood a lone headstone with a person's name. Below the name was the year they were born, a dash, and the year they died. Ah, the "dash". Ok I thought, I'll go home and write down what I've done with my dash. That evening while lying in bed flipping through the channels, I came upon the movie Gladiator just when this line was spoken, "What you do in life echoes in eternity". Oy, I thought. This writing down what I did with my dash isn't going to be as easy as I thought!!!

I'm going to spare you my dash list, but I would like to share with you some lessons I've learned during my dashing.

The All or Nothing Rule

Not long ago, I had [another] wake up call on the "all or nothing" rule. I've used this mumbo jumbo prescription over the years with dieting -- you know, the whole day is blown if you eat one bad thing... it's all or nothing. I can happily say I no longer have this all or nothing mentality when it comes to managing my weight, however, I recently had an experience that made me realize that I still use "all or nothing" in my life. For the past 5 months, 3-4 days a week, I've been taking a 90-minute yoga class. In my mind, I should be as flexible as cooked spaghetti, but I'm not, and am frustrated by my inflexibility. I mean stretching to touch my toes still starts my hamstrings singing. One day before class, I shared this with my instructor. His response was totally not what I expected. He told me that as the months have gone by, my practice has changed. I'm able to go deeper in my poses and have revved up my intensity, albeit, my point of pain or tightness has moved with my newer abilities. I never thought to see it that way. I thought it was all or nothing when it came to [for example] your hamstrings -- either they were loose or they were tight. I'm glad my hamstrings were tight that day so that I could relearn this lesson.

It Takes Time....

You've heard the saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"? I think we sometimes forget those important ground breaking steps -- especially when it comes to weight loss. We all want to lose those 10, 15, 20 pounds tomorrow. Where weight loss is concerned, this is just wishful thinking. Small attainable weekly goals are much more successful. Dr. John Demartini says in his book The Law of 7's, A Fitness Program for the Mind, "by the inch it's a cinch, by the yard it's hard and by the mile, it's a pile". This lesson was reiterated last week when my 16 year old son received his driver's permit. Although he says he has no interest in driving, I think his non-interest is really due to feeling overwhelmed. So, the other day I told him to get in the car and all he needed to do was just drive up and down the driveway so that he could get the feel of the brake, accelerator and the steering wheel. After 7 minutes the two of us were nauseous and dizzy and had to stop, but more important than our troubled equilibrium, was the fact that he took his driving baby steps and felt more comfortable and confident and less afraid. I think he's ready for his next lesson.... I'm thinking we both may need Dramamine. The point, don't set yourself up for failure - work in stages and allow yourself time.

The Pleasure's in the Doing

Why do I write this babble? I'm sure there are a lot of reasons, but the most meaningful one is because I really enjoy it. I started this babble to inspire the members of my women's group to keep focused and on track with their dieting and exercising. What I learned was that by inspiring them, I was inspired too. I've also learned over the years that doing things for personal joy is sometimes more rewarding then having kudos from an "audience". I believe I truly learned this lesson during the summer when I was eleven. My bunkmates and I were out on the lake in rowboats when a storm came in. The wind became fierce, the water got rough and choppy, and it was, to tell you the truth, very scary. Our counselor jumped out of our boat to help another boat in trouble and picked me to row our boat in. It was very hard and I was chilled and exhausted when we docked, but I felt so proud. At assembly every evening, the head counselors would call out the names of all the campers who did something special that day. I kept waiting for my name to be called, but it never was. Although I was disappointed, I still remember feeling exceptionally happy. I told myself that I didn't need an announcement with my name to recognize my own achievement. I recognized it. Although we all like to be appreciated for the things we do, from that day on I didn't "need it" anymore, I just [of course] enjoy it when it happens.

Think about your dash. For me, it brought back memories and events that I had long forgotten. It also allows you to design a blueprint for how you would like to see and mold the rest of your dash days. Dr. Demartini says, "... that we were not put here on earth to be average, that there is power and greatness within you waiting for the wake up call". Since I'm leaning towards the other side of the dash, I am middle aged you know, what better time than now?

Quote of the Day: "Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts" ~Author Unknown

#44 Where To Go For a Splurge

This mother's day, knowing what a Trekkie I am, my son decided that we should all go see the new Star Trek movie. I was happy to oblige, and so I didn't have to cook dinner, it was decided that we would would eat at a restaurant near the theater. As we drove past a line of eateries, the kids pointed to Red Robin and asked if we could eat there. I have never been to a Red Robin and so was willing to give it a shot. If you ever pass a Red Robin, heed these words -- "just keep going".

If there is one place where you can go on this earth and get everything and anything BAD [that tastes so good], that would be Red Robin. I'm jumping ahead of myself by saying I felt like a bloated cow after dinner. Moo! I looked over the menu to see what wouldn't be too horrible and then looked over the menu again trying to find something that would be just horrible, but not too horrible. In the end, Marc and I decided to share a salad and a burger. I told him to go ahead and pick whatever he wanted and I would be fine. Well it's weeks later and I'm still dreaming about that burger... and the dessert I was too embarrassed to admit that I wanted.

Now for the good news. The burger was amazing [groan, sigh] - especially for someone like me who usually orders a plain burger with lettuce and tomato [hold the bun, no fries please]. It was a buffalo burger [that's right, the animal] topped with a gigantic onion ring and barbeque sauce. Honestly, the flavor of those three ingredients was enough for me to ponder asking Marc to hand over his half of the burger. When I started typing this babble, I decided that I would post photos of the food we ate and the dessert I was still craving. As I was perusing the Red Robin menu, I came across a link that offers the nutritional value of the food items on the menu. BIG Mistake.

Now for the bad news. I decided to only post my half of the nutritional values because if I was to post the total values, I might have a return of the heartburn that plagued me most of that Sunday night. Here goes: The 1/2 burger: 503 calories, 49 grams of fat, 3 grams of fiber and 40 grams of carbohydrates. Add the 1/2 salad to my half burger and the few fries [ok, more than a few, less than a lot] and my meal came close to 1200 calories, 93 grams of fat, 9 grams of fiber and 78 grams of carbs. No wonder America has a problem. Had I gotten my dessert, the mile high mud pie, which we would have [potentially] split 4 ways, add another 300 calories and another 17 grams of fat. Oink!. I had a collosal freakout when I saw this - considering that I eat between 1200 and 1400 calories a day.

Allow me a minute or two on my soap box. The salad that Marc and I shared had shredded fried onions, grated cheese and chicken with some kind of sauce on it. A 1000 calorie salad? Let's get real. Did you know that Red Robin offers seconds on fries for free? Eating this type of food is BAD!! Let me just say for the record that I'm not picking on Red Robin. It's all restaurants that serve food like this. Let me also add here that the restaurant was so crowded that there was a 20" wait for a table. I think there should be some type of warning at the door that tells you right up front that this food is dangerous, risky and perilous [if eaten more than once a month] to your health. I don't care if there are 2 or 3 or even 4 "healthy" items on the menu. Obviously, it's not those items that people go to these restaurants for, and if I'm going to order one of those healthy meals, then wouldn't I want my kids to have something healthy too?

Alas, my soap box raving isn't going to stop anyone from going to the Red Robin or any similar restaurants, nor stop them from eating 1200-2000 calorie meals. Perhaps, though, I can instill this thought with those reading this babble. A splurge every once in a while is fine. I like to splurge. Actually, I love to splurge!! Red Robin, and other restaurants like it, should be considered a place where you go for a splurge. However, I worry. My worry is that people who go to Red Robin, et al. treat these places as their home away from home. In any case, what I have learned from my RR experience is this; NEVER go on a restaurant site to search for nutritional information... after the fact.

Quote of the day: "I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work"
Thomas Edison (1847-1931)

#43 A Mother's Day Babble

I wrote this letter to my mom on her 65th birthday. To honor her this Mother's Day, I am sending this letter out into cyberspace for all to see. I try to be a good daughter. Sometimes I can be a bit 'trying' I'm sure, but hopefully in her heart, she knows what she means to me.

Dear Mom,

Being a mother myself, I understand you much better. Mommies make sacrifices, although I think sacrifice is a bad word. When I sacrifice, it is something that just comes naturally. I feel the stress of these sacrifices, but not the regret nor anger at having to give something up for my children. I never felt this emotion from you. You taught me well.

Mommies love unconditionally. I've never really expected anything from my children. Well, maybe good behavior, honesty, politeness, hard work and kindness to name a few, but a lack of these things wouldn't take away my love from them. In my eyes, they are perfect. When I wasn't doing well in school, was overweight, or let you down, I never felt your love leave. You taught me well.

Mommies spend time with you when they really want to be doing something else. I feel lucky that you weren't a "working" mom. It was nice to know that you were there for me, even when I didn't need you to be. I never really felt "unavailability" from you. I try to do that for Logan and Erica, although I do believe they are busier than I. You took the time to teach me things that you enjoyed while at the same time, teaching me to find the enjoyment in doing. I hope to pass this on. You taught me well.

You taught me about marriage and family. You told me the type of man I should look for.... even though I ignored your advice for almost 10 years. You told me to get rid of the Romeo romances and find a best friend. You never gave me classes or homework, but by example, you showed the give and take in a working relationship. I learned from you the importance of making time for your family. You showed me that a united front builds confidence in one's children so that they know that they are safe. You taught me well.

As life is a collection of memories, some which fade and others that last, the strongest are those examples of your character that have made me the complete person I am today. Thank you mom, you taught me well.

May you continue to teach me well for many years to come. Happy Mother's Day

#42 Are You, You?

I just read a review about a book called Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken, by John Robbins. I just love that title and I love some other things the author said. He says that when you talk to people about being authentic, they respond with answers like, "I don't have that in me", or "I care too much what people think". It's that last sentence that caught my attention. It got me thinking about, well, me.

Do I care what other people think? Uh, Yeah! Am I authentic? I could probably debate that I'm more real than some and less real than others. Interestingly, during my last 5 hour marathon yoga history/philosophy class, one topic discussed by the visiting grand poobah was The Authentic Self/Selves. People say that things come to you when you most need them. Well, maybe there's some kind of cosmic phenomena directing me to revisit my authentic self. I mean, I think I have one ... although I may have to peel off some "public" layers first to find her.

As children, we don't have roles to play and so we are truly authentic in every emotion. Do you think a child having a tantrum is caring about what others are thinking, or worrying about how she must look to those watching, or that her nose is running and she's farted out loud? I think not. Robbins says that if we are authentic in our actions and interactions, we might get some odd reactions, but at least they're real.

A few weeks ago, I had a "real interaction". I was in a class with other members of my immersion study group when I was asked what I thought of the 5 hour class the previous week. Although I was a little worried about sharing this with people I didn't know that well, and who have years invested in Anusara yoga, I was able to share how lost and bewildered I was during the lecture, and how much I didn't want to be there after the first hour... and yet I sat there feeling stupid and sorry for myself. I shared how I slowly scooched my way behind a large person sitting in front of me and that for the remaining hours I hid in the sea of 50 attendees, taking notes and not making any eye contact with the Yogi nor with anyone else. There was dead silence after I was done speaking. After a minute or two, another person let out this long breath and thanked me for speaking so openly because she too was feeling lost [in a different way than me] and needed to share. I'm 99% sure that had I not been so open and honest first, she would not have confided in us. Robbins tells us that if someone shares first and from the heart, then the reaction from others is often "Thank God I don't have to hold up this mask [any longer], it's exhausting!". I truly believe this is what happened.

Recently, I was at an occasion where our hosts stood in the center of the room and thanked those of us attending. The husband spoke beautifully and from the heart, and told everyone how glad he was that his wife's cancer was treated and how happy he felt that they were together to share this wonderful day. When he said the "C" word, it caught my attention. Usually, talking about cancer is caged in euphemisms like tumor and illness and malignancy. He said the word cancer - out loud and at a party. I leaned over to my husband and said, this is a man who isn't scared of the power of a word. Authenticity, Robbins says, "is practicing whatever it is you're feeling" at that moment. Our host, at that moment, felt that he [and his family] had fought the C-devil and won. We, his guests, heard his heart sing out with gratitude for his family's good fortune while he praised the bravery of his valiant warrioress.

I was going to try write this babble about my search for the authentic me, but I decided, it was more interesting to discover the authentic me while finding and seeking it in others. This is what I'm telling you [and me too] -- I believe that societal constraints make it hard to create a life that reflects the true you 100% of the time. However, the idea of the person you want to be, feel good being, and want to wear in front of others, should be like your most comfortable pair of sweats... something you've had for years and feel at ease wearing anywhere and with anyone. Mr. Robbins says, "On our path of growth, we need to trust ourselves". This, for me then, will be where I begin.

Quote of the day: If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. Thomas Edison

#41 kirstie, Kirstie, KIRSTIE

I was watching Oprah the other day and one of my [used to be] favorite actresses, Kirstie Alley, was on. She was talking about her stint as the spokesperson for Jenny Craig, why she left Jenny, and her subsequent weight gain. Bypassing all her reasons for leaving Jenny and her reasons for gaining back her weight, this is what caught my attention... drum roll please..... not only did she gain back the 70 ish pounds she had lost, but she put on an extra 10 lbs.

Do I sit here and judge her? NO WAY!! Want to know why? Because once upon a time and a time and a time, I too dieted myself fat. I'm not sure if you have heard this saying, "dieting yourself fat", but it means exactly what it says. You go on a diet, you lose weight, you work diligently to keep it off, but somehow at some time, your dieting stamina leaves and KABAM! What took hard work, will power, determination and six months to lose -- found its way back in only 3 months. And just to make you feel even worse about this regaining, another 5 or 10 lbs has joined the ranks. Dieting one's self fat is a perplexing thing.

Dieting oneself fat is discussed much amongst my friends who diet, or who have dieted and maintained, or who have dieted, maintained and gained back their weight. I can't tell you how many times a new member comes to my Trevose group saying something like, "I never thought I would be this weight, I mean I've been dieting my whole life". We group members sit there nodding our heads 'cause we understand -- been there, done that.

Since I started writing my own blog, I try to visit other blogs dealing with weight, diets, food issues and other topics of interest. I've read numerous blogs of successful dieters and working dieters. However, at some point in their blogging, they mention that they never thought they would see, for instance 170 on the scale and the next thing they know, 190 pounds is peaking out from between their stubby toes.

So, I decided to do a little research. I found a website [Fitness Tips for Life] that says fat people stay fat for a number of reasons. I read through them, thought they were really good, and decided to share them with you. The author explains and expands on his 5 reasons, but I'll give you my babble version in a nutshell:

1. Fast Food - it's everywhere, portion sizes are ridiculous, and it's marketing to our children with toys and fun play areas makes it hard to say NO! It's also inexpensive [for what you get], so it attracts those with a hurting wallet.

2. Not eating [enough] fresh fruits and veggies - six or more servings of fruits and vegetables a day... need I say more?

3. Using starches as your main food group - guilty...sometimes

4. Not exercising - the author blames hours of tv and internet playing, I concur.

and my favorite.... second drum roll of this babble

5. Bouncing from diet to diet - as I've said before, you can't live on a diet. If you find an eating regime that works with your lifestyle, YOU CAN lose and maintain IF you don't go overboard on those items called "treats".

To be successful at anything, you need to commit time and energy. I once read that people are more committed to losing weight than they are to changing their lifestyle -- they want to go for the home run before they really know how to bat correctly. Others stay heavy because the known is always a safer bet than the unknown, and of course fat also covers a myriad of insecurities. BUT, if a person doesn't deal with those problems, the weight will keep coming back. So, after the 6th or 100th commercial break [I really can't remember], Kirstie tells Oprah that she has created her own weight loss program and will be marketing and selling it [I guess, perhaps, who knows, oy vey] soon. Part of me wants to call Kirstie and say, "Girl, conquer your demons first". The other part of me, the scale devotee, the worrier of body mass, the desirer of the secret to eternal thinness, is of course curious as hell.

Quote of the day: "Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself"
George Bernard Shaw