#79 Unconditional Love

"So sad - wanted to cry, but held back the tears. I'm now onto dog number three."

The above was my email response to a blogger friend, who shared with the blogging world, the end of her dog's life. Her dog was old, in pain and infirm. My heart went out to her as only the mom of a four-legged family member can.

Zoe, our Doberman, was adopted at 8 weeks, a couple of months after Marc and I married. She was our baby. We left social engagements early and/or didn't go places because we didn't want to leave her for too long. When we chatted with other dog owners, we sounded like a bunch of proud parents one-upping each other with our "baby's" accomplishments. Zoe was with us at the beginning of our marriage, through the birth of our two children, and our moves from Washington DC to St. Louis, onto Philadelphia, and then out to the suburbs. Our first house was her first house too, and she loved roaming the 8 acres until the lots were sold and the new houses went up. Zoe died at the age of 8 from unknown causes. We came home from the movies one summer night and couldn't find her. She'd never left our property before, but I drove around the neighborhood calling her name. Meanwhile, Marc searched the property and finally found her "sleeping" in the pachysandra. I was hysterical - in the crying way. The next day we buried her; I felt empty. The day after that I came home from work forgetting that she was dead, and waited for her to run to the car. On day three post Zoe, I woke up and felt at peace. It was almost an exhilarating feeling. I can't explain it, but I felt that all would be ok.

We waited about a year before we adopted Hanna, our German Shepherd. We "saved" her through a group called Save A Shepherd. She was a sweet and wonderful dog - all 110 pounds of her. We never knew her real age or her history, but we had her for 9 years and loved every minute of it. Even her seasonal shedding and the stinky breath that came with age didn't bother me. The only problem with Hanna was that she was a true herder. When the neighborhood kids rode their bikes up our driveway, she would run next to them nipping their heels and waists while leaning into them. Sometimes those nips were closer to a good sized nibble. Needless to say, she wasn't popular with the neighborhood kids or their parents.

One day she started losing her nails. They just fell out. I googled "dogs losing finger nails" and came to a chat room where other dog owners talked about their dog's medical problems. There it was right in front of me. Hanna had all the symptoms of a neuropathic disease. Slowly over the months her back legs became numb and she started dragging her paws. We bought booties that helped her stabilize her back legs from slipping on our hardwood floors. I told Marc that the day she couldn't go to the bathroom alone would be the day we would have to say goodbye. That day came sooner than we expected. I happened to be looking out the window and saw her trying to squat, but her legs were shaking so badly she couldn't hold herself up. I ran outside and held her hind quarters while she did her business. I then helped her back into the house and called the vet to let them know that it was time. They too loved Hanna and were always telling me that she was the sweetest Shepherd they'd ever cared for.

Logan and Erica came with me that night. Erica chose to sit in the waiting room during the injection, but Logan wanted to be with Hanna and me. Putting Hanna down was a life- altering experience for me. As I sat on the floor petting her, the doctor injected the narcotics into a vein in her leg. I was looking into her eyes, telling her what a great lady she was and how we'll all miss her so much, when the light behind her eyes faded to dark. She was there one minute and poof, gone the next. With a broken heart, I watched her spark go out. It was, perhaps, the first time I wondered about the soul and questioned if the "light going out" is a chemico-physiological change or one's essence leaving the body. In my science classes, I had learned that energy just doesn't go away, it changes. Where did her energy go?

Now we're onto Iggy. He's our first boy dog, and I think if we ever get another dog, it will be a male. Females are great, but some are just too dominant and/or protective. In some dogs, the term "bitch" is truly descriptive of both personality and gender. Iggy was adopted. We saw him in a park with other dogs and cats trying to find new families. The other dogs were licking us, friendly and barking, but Iggy just stood or sat there letting us touch him, but not really responding. His ribs were sticking out and he had a terrible case of kennel cough. Somehow though, I knew he just needed love and nourishment to bring out his personality, two things we could give him in abundance. Well, let me tell you, he's just the best little guy. He's gentle and sweet and follows me all over just like the other two did, but he's mine -- I'm his alpha. He's got a little shepherd and a little golden retriever in him, so he's both smart and sweet.

Having an animal is a wonderful experience for everyone at any age. It teachers us to play when all we want is to put our feet up. Having a pet takes you... out of you. Their needs come first. I believe even Jewish law states that you must feed your animals before you feed yourself. People say I spoil my dogs. I don't think so. I give them what they want and need, and in return, they give me so much more.

Quote of the Day: "It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be" Paul Arden, author

#78 Oh Hell, Why Bother

I was talking to a friend the other day about our bodies, diets, our relationship with food, and why we do what we do. She said that she had been really happy with her eating for the past 3 weeks, but her happy place with food and eating went to the dogs after a visit with an old friend from high school. Her friend happens to be tiny. She has always been tiny. This is nothing new to my friend. My friend is a full-figured girl and will never be considered petite no matter how much weight she loses.

As I listened to her share her fall-off-the-wagon story, I realized exactly what was going on. She was going through the Why Bother Blues; that negative feeling of "look at all I've done and it still isn't enough". It's that why bother feeling, and I'll be honest here, it has pulled me into the doldrums many times when it comes to my calves and legs. No matter how much yoga, power walking, squats, weight lifting, and dieting I do, my calves will never be and have never been shapely, and truthfully, my derriere will always have a little more jiggle when I wiggle than I would like it too.

My father calls this [the calf and ankle part of the leg] the Lederer curse. My mother's mother had these legs, and my mother and 2 of her sisters have/had these legs, and now, I do too. Interestingly, I don't think any of the female cousins inherited this trait. Obviously their fathers held the dominant gene for leg shape.

I told my friend that I totally got what she was saying. We both agreed that we can't compare ourselves to others, but have to look at our bodies and see what they are capable of. This doesn't make the "why bother" feelings go away, it just sort of brings you back to what's possible and real - like a reality check. Of course, growing old and all that goes with this doesn't help matters, but if I've learned anything, it's that you can make changes to yourself at any age.

So, I guess the lesson here is that no matter how many times you've had the why bother blues, you can't give up. Call me dumb or dense, but I'm going to keep working on these legs and this body until the fat lady sings, and may that fat lady never be me again.

You know, hope springs eternal.... even at 47.

Quote of the Day: "Creative Minds are Seldom Tidy" - Author unknown

#77 Can You See the Potential?

In 1995 Marc and I bought, what is now, our 257 year old labor of love.

On a cold December Sunday, we went house hunting. We had been doing this for almost a year without success, but on that morning, we saw an ad in the paper for an old farm house. Since this was just the sort of thing we were looking for, we bundled up our 2 year old son, and off we went. The minute Marc saw the house, he fell immediately in love. He had told me that if we were ever going to move out of the city [we had only ever lived in cities - DC, St. Louis and Philadelphia] that he wanted an old house with land and lots of nooks and crannies. When we called our agent Monday morning to tell her we wanted to see this house, she told Marc that what he had fallen in love with was an 8 acre estate undergoing zoning hearings to be sub-divided, and that the house was being sold - "as is". He was still in love, and without my knowing, he and the agent went to look at it during his lunch hour. He called me at work later that day and told me that he had just left the property, and that if I could sneak out of the hospital [where I was working at the time], the caretaker would be there for another hour.

So, I snuck out. I drove up the creepy, overgrown, snow-covered drive and rang the doorbell. The caretaker opened the door and invited me in. All I remember thinking was that it was colder in the house than it was outside, and that this was one SPOOKY old house. I was also thinking that perhaps I should come back with Marc, however when I turned around to tell the caretaker just that, he was gone.

I could give you a room by room walking tour, but let's leave it at this. There was mold growing up the wall in the parlor, the wallpaper in the library was brown at the seams, the rose-colored carpet in the master bedroom had nail clippings large enough for me to see without having to bend down, all the bathrooms were circa 1950's, and there were some rooms that had such a slant from settlement that I felt dizzy and off balance. The basement [which I still don't like to visit alone] was unfinished - literally. The floor was perhaps cement, but it had layers of dirt on it. There was a really old wine cellar with wood shelves filled with bottles of wine. It was dark, long, narrow, and damp. There was a well [as in water well] built into the wall at the end of the cellar, which led to underground tunnels, which led to somewhere outside my house. I later learned that Quakers owned our home and were part of the underground railroad during the Civil War. Of course, at that moment, alone in this dark basement, listening to all sorts of creaks, moans and scurryings, all I could think about was the possibility of spirits, not of the alcoholic kind, left over from the past 200 odd years. Last, but not least, the kitchen. The kitchen had a yellow linoleum floor, a sink, a fridge, an oven and a pantry. OMG, no dishwasher? There was no cabinetry and there were long fluorescent lights on the ceiling. There was a room to the left of the kitchen that was probably the servant's "hang-out". It had a toilet, the washer and dryer and an industrial sink. No dishwasher. I walked back into the kitchen and through a swinging door into what was the butler's pantry. Praise the lord, a dishwasher... and some cabinetry.

When I got back to the hospital, I called Marc, and told him I had been to the house. He asked me, "Can you see the potential?", "Did you love it?". NO! I told him. Are you crazy? Do you realize how much money we need to put into this house? Just to live in it? Not even to decorate it? Do you realize there is no central air conditioning to cool 7000 square feet and 3 stories? Do you realize that there is lead paint in almost every room? Did you see the mold? Did you see the wisteria pulling the pebble dash stucco with horse hair off the house? [which I learned is very, very, very expensive to fix and/or replace]? Did you hear the ghosts [I didn't actually ask him this one because I was too embarrassed]?

Well, guess who gave in. It's the end of 2009, and we've been living in our money pit [she came by the name honestly] for 13 years. A lot of work and love have gone into this house. Our carpenter became husband number 2 and our painter became husband #3 since they both pretty much lived here for the first 8 years. Sadly, I had to divorce our landscaper and electrician, but am now dating a new landscaper, and thinking of just having flings with an electrician. We're on very good terms with our plumbers because truthfully, they're the only ones who know how the plumbing, heating and AC systems are rigged in this place. Finally, as I sit here in the butler's pantry, now my office, I am so glad that Marc saw this home's potential. This house has allowed me to discover many things about myself that, had we not taken this chance, I may never have known. Do I have the home I dreamed of? No. Unlike Marc, I didn't have a picture of the house I wanted, but if I had been able to imagine one, my dream house wouldn't even have come close to the one we live in.

As for the ghost[s] -- after a number of nocturnal and one afternoon visit, I decided to have a little chat with him/her/them. I went into the basement [Zoe, our doberman was coaxed down with me] and told him/her/them that we loved the house, that we were going to take good care of it, that we were more than happy to share this space with them, but they had to stop their visits because it was scaring me and the kids. I also promised not to remove anything that was left in a particular place in the house. That means that the 100 year old riding boots are still sitting on the same shelf in the library as when we moved in [they do get dusted]. It's been 8 years, and so far....... I dare not say anymore in case he/she/they are reading over my shoulder.

photos:
house - 1995 - see the wisteria?
library - picture given to us by the owners who lived here from 1938 - 1995
music room - taken the day we signed all the papers - moldy and damp walls
bathroom - salmon-pink walls
wine cellar - self explanatory
butler's hang-out - we gutted and then insulated, became the playroom when the kids were little, knocked out back wall to put in french doors.
master bath - updated from original in 2004
main hall - updated from original 2006

Quote of the Day: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."- Dr. Seuss

#76 Party Crasher - Who Me?

Lots of news and drama surrounding the Salahis. What a couple!! Do you think crashing parties is his thing or her's? From watching the news, it appears that Michaele is the one to stop, yank Tareq's arm, and vogue pose for the cameras. I saw her do this twice, and yet, she could have just jumped onto his wagon for the ride and got hooked. Who's ever thing this is though, it seems Tareq may be the brains of this operation. During the news clips, more times than not, his entrance is made in a straight line with head down. He seems to know that no photos should be taken until one is safely through the doors, drink in hand, laughing with the host and hostess. At this point, either way, they're both screwed.

Interestingly, I have something in common with these two Reality-TV-Star-Wanna Bees. I like to party. Well, I still like A party, but I wouldn't call myself a party girl... anymore. However, in my college and grad school days, I loved to go to parties. I also loved getting a group together to go out dancing.

More important than having my fake driver's license allowing me entrance to all drinking establishements, I had something even better. Something that a lot of other party hoppers-crashers didn't have. I had my finger on the pulse of Washington DC. Not literally, but pretty close. Back in the 80s [not sure if they still do this today] whenever the president left the White House, a secret service agent would sit in the Emergency Room. Where did I work? In the Emergency Room. If we weren't crazy busy and we had a few minutes to sit, a chit chat with the agent du jour was always interesting. Now, don't go and start getting all mad at the agent, no major secrets were divulged, but as far as what was happening in the DC, Maryland and Virginia area in terms of parties and happenings, the agent was a great source of info.

Which brings me to what I really have in common with the Salahis. I had no problem crashing parties. Of course, looking back from where I sit now, I'm appalled at my chutzpah, but back then, it was just kids being kids. Also, being in a city, surrounded by hotels, party halls, and clubs, parties were a dime a dozen. Unlike the Salahis though, my buds and I waited until the party was in full swing before smoothly moving our way in. We never stopped to get our photos taken. Actually, there was no way we wanted our photos taken... as we snuck in the back or side door.

We did this all in fun and meant no harm. I can't remember one time being found out or kicked out. It's like wearing fake jewelry. If you wear it with attitude, no one will be the wiser. And believe me, we had attitude. The only time I personally had a problem with our venue was when we snuck into a party where I was surrounded by gay men [it was for a calendar shoot]. I felt totally left out. No one asked me to dance and no one offered to buy me a drink. To make matters worse, these beautiful boys were all around me laughing and drinking and shirt-less, AND IGNORING ME.

Lesson learned: When you've been asked out by the secret service agent twice, and have said no to him on both occasions, it probably isn't a great idea to ask him where the best party in town is.

Quote of the Day: "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein

#75 Never get TOO Anything

A few days ago, a number of events happened that made me sad and angry. While I was answering emails, I decided to share with a friend how I was feeling. I told her how by 9:30 a.m, my day, which had started out fine at 7:30, had quickly begun to go downhill. And, on top of being sad and angry, my body was asking for its "medicine" to try to make me feel better... which only made me more angry. Why? Because I believe I've changed and matured, but when push comes to shove, I still run back to my old way of dealing with my feelings; I push them down with food.

Well, her email response told me to HALT. Huh? Then I read on...."never get two of anything". Good advice for certain situations in the life of a foodie, but I didn't understand the context as it related to my email. However, when I re-read that sentence, what it actually said was, "never get too anything"!! Never get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely or too Tired -- HALT.

Of course, this saying is just one of the myriad of sayings that dieters and maintainers learn. There are, not surprisingly, an infinite number of helpful "hints". Some are trite, but more often than not, most are beneficial. For example, "eat to live, not live to eat". This one is actually from Cicero, but truthfully, there are a plethora of expressions bestowed upon us from the unknown to the famous. One that I like a lot, and that works for me is - "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". Being able to throw on a pair of jeans and walk out of the house feeling good in them is sooooo much better than any ice cream cone or chocolate bar. Honest! It's just that I have to keep reminding myself of this.

Another favorite one of mine is, "To fail to plan is to plan to fail". So true. It's a safe bet that if you go to the supermarket with a thought-out list, it won't be so easy for your shopping cart to drive off course. Also, knowing the menu ahead of time, and deciding on what to order before you get to the restaurant, is a good plan. For certain restaurants, it's sometimes smarter for me to decide beforehand so that it won't be necessary to open the menu and be tempted by all the goodies inside. This saying also works for vacations. I learned the hard way when one year I packed everyone's bathing suits and flip flops, but not mine, and I had to wear a pair of my husbands blue jeans, cinched at the waist and cuffed, until we found a store that sold clothing. Now, I start making a list a few days before packing so that I don't forget anything.

One last saying that I follow is, "If you always do what you always did you’ll always get what you always got". So true! If you want to be thinner, healthier, faster, stronger, smarter... then you need to change, add or delete. There is no other way. I once tried listening to a tape while I slept to help me learn Spanish. As you probably figured out, WASTE of TIME and MONEY!! Osmosis may work in the field of biology, but in other parts of life, nah.

I'll leave you with a few of my other favorites. I sometimes use these to pull me out of the food doldrums and help me climb back onto that damn wagon.

"It’s about progress, not perfection" ---

"A weight gain is not failure, it's feedback" ---

"What you eat in private, you wear in public" ---

Last, but one of my most favorite sayings... "If hunger ain't the problem, food ain't the answer"

Quote of the day: "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome" Booker T. Washington

#74 Thanksgiving Dinner

This year, we are going to be a relatively [no pun intended] small group for Thanksgiving. Besides my candy corn fix at Halloween, my next favorite food fix is stuffing and cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving.
This year, I am having my folks, my sister, her husband, my niece and nephew, an aunt and an uncle and my cousin [Annie, the famous author of OBSOLETE]. That makes for 13 of us, which is a nice number, and one that my round dining room table can hold comfortably.

In this babble, I'm going to share my Thanksgiving menu. After my last posting, Passionless in the Kitchen, I received a number of emails, phone calls, and comments about my cooking. Thank goodness, I continue to be my worst critic. So then, below you will find what I plan to serve [with my mom's help] for our holiday meal.

Pumpkin Soup [but of course!!!]
this recipe feeds 20

2 large onions halved
1/2 cup margarine
1 tsp curry powder [spicy and more if you prefer]
4 cups canned pumpkin [not pumpkin pie filling]
3 tsp salt [start with 1 tsp and work your way up as needed for taste]
4 cups of 2% milk (can use cream, half and half ) [My lactose-intolerant friend recommends soy milk. Since I've never used soy milk, I can't guarantee the outcome)
5 cups chicken broth

Saute onion in butter or margarine until limp
Sprinkle with curry powder
Process pumpkin, onions and salt [don't make it too fine]
Pour into pot
Cook very slowly for 1 hour
Serve hot

Parmesan-Butternut Squash Gratin
this recipe feeds 6

1 butternut squash [2 1/2 lbs]
1/4 cup of butter or margarine
2 large garlic cloves, finely chopped
1/4 cup panko bread crumbs
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

Heat oven to 375F. Spray 13x9 inch glass baking dish with cooking spray. Peel, halve lengthwise and seed squash; cut into 1/2 inch thick slices. Arrange with slices overlapping slightly in baking dish.

In 2-quart saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Reduce heat to low. Add garlic; cook 2-3 minutes, stirring frequently until garlic is soft and butter is infused with garlic flavor. Do not let butter brown.

In small bowl, mix bread crumbs, cheese and 1 tablespoon of the butter-garlic mixture. Brush squash slices with remaining butter-garlic mixture. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and bread crumb mixture.

Bake uncovered 30 to 40 minutes or until squash is tender when pierced with fork. Increase oven temperature to 425F, bake 5-10 minutes longer or until lightly browned. Before serving, sprinkle parsley over top.

Garlic Sauteed String beans [I grew up with, and love, the string bean casserole with cream of mushroom soup and fried onions, but it's not as healthy as this, and truthfully, my kids prefer this to that].

Fresh string beans
Boil until al dente
Throw into wok with olive oil and minced garlic Wok for about 10 minutes stirring quickly [do this close to serving time]
Let sit for a few before serving

Sweet Potato Marshmallow Casserole [not so healthy, but yummy]
this recipe feeds 6

5 med. sweet potatoes (peeled, cooked and mashed)
1/3 c. milk
3 tbsp. brown sugar
2 tbsp. sugar
2 tbsp. melted butter
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1 c. miniature marshmallows

Combine all ingredients except marshmallows, mixing well. Spoon into a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart casserole.
Cover and bake at 375°F. for 30 minutes. Uncover, sprinkle with marshmallows and bake another 5 minutes.

Turkey with Stuffing

I am very traditional about my turkey and stuffing. I add mushrooms, celery, salt and pepper to Pepperidge Farm stuffing, and follow the directions on the bag. That's it. Once everything is mixed together, inside the bird it goes. Of course, all of it can't go into the bird, so after the turkey is cooked, the stuffing is removed and placed on top of the non-bird cooked stuffing and into the oven it goes to steal some of the juices and flavor from the stuffed stuffing. About gravy... I've never made it. My mom always does that part, but I know it involves taking the innards of the turkey [neck and other parts], cooking them on the stove top for awhile in water, cutting and mixing them with left over cooked turkey juices, adding some flour and maybe some water and heating and stirring so the gravy isn't lumpy. Not sure about the rest - she hasn't answered my email [she's probably playing mahjong] and I want to post this evening.

Cranberry sauce

From the can. My favorite part of the whole dinner. Just kidding, but I love this stuff and pretty much only eat it on this holiday.

Desserts
My wonderful sister, who is a very good and talented baker, will be bringing desserts this year. She did tell me that one of the desserts she's making are sugar cookies in the shape of a triangle, with the cookie batter dyed to orange and the tip dipped in vanilla frosting. Can anyone guess what these look like? I'll give you a hint.... it's my Halloween candy nemesis!

HAPPPY THANKSGIVING

Quote of the Day: As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." John F. Kennedy

#73 I'm Passionless... in the Kitchen

I think I'll write a book; The Passionless Cook.

On October 31st, we had our quasi annual Halloween party, and I decided to serve pumpkin soup as one of the hors d'oeuvres. It's my father-in-law's recipe, and I'll be honest, I've made this soup a number of times, and it never tastes as good as his.

Most people don't know this about me, but I have little confidence in the kitchen. I'll admit, I make some pretty yummy challah french toast, and I'm amazing on the grill with salmon and steak, but besides those two endeavors, I'm a hit-or-miss kind of cook. Anyway, during the party, I did receive a number of compliments on the pumpkin soup, but the most special compliment came from a neighbor down the street. He emailed to say thanks, and mentioned that he enjoyed my pumpkin soup. I was very flattered since I consider him a very talented cook, and a compliment from him was, well, better than nice. A few days later we bumped into each other at a neighborhood store. We chatted, and I mentioned that I aspire to his prowess in the kitchen. He shrugged his shoulders and said something like, I'm not sure that I'm that great, I just really love to cook. I realized then [well, I probably verbalized an old realization]... that I really don't like to cook. If money were no object, I'd hire a personal chef before hiring someone to do the laundry and bathrooms... that's how much I don't enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate to cook, I just don't like to cook.

Perfect example -- I have another neighbor whose dishes and desserts are delish, and needless to say, she also loves to cook. My husband has told me on a number of occasions that their house is "one of his favorite restaurants". One evening, my neighbor served a wonderful chicken dish with a side of Moroccan rice. I ate with an almost spiritual devotion, enjoying the flavors and textures, until I was so stuffed I thought my pants were going to lacerate my belly roll. It's not hard to guess on which side of a meal my passions lie.

A day or two later when I called to thank her for dinner, I also asked for the chicken and rice recipes. I had decided that I would make this meal for an extended family dinner later that month. Let's just say that when I cut into my piece of chicken and started to chew, I knew that my lack of loving to cook was right there in my mouth. I almost gave myself masseter-itis [masseter - def: thick muscle in the cheek that assists in chewing; itis - def: suffix denoting inflammation] trying to break down that little piece of chicken so that I could swallow it. I had to chew... and chew... and chew...

And, as I sat there exercising my masseter muscles, it dawned on me that if you do something without having or feeling a passion for it, then that lack of passion can definitely be "tasted", if not by others, then definitely by you.

Quote of the Day: "Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. Yet, I go marching on." George Bernard Shaw

#72 The Rabbi Says....

While I was reading the Rabbi's monthly chat in the synagogue newsletter, I got inspired for this week's babble. I'm borrowing the Rabbi's pre-story used for his chat as my pre-story to my babble.

A rabbi once asked the members of his congregation, "What is the holiest day of the Jewish calendar?" "That's easy", one woman responded. "The holiest day is the Sabbath". "No," said another. "The holiest day is Yom Kippur when God grants us atonement for our sins." Other days were discussed and debated, but the rabbi finally put a stop to this exercise by sharing what he thought the holiest day should be. He chose the 11th of Tishrei as the holiest day on the Jewish calendar. "What holy day falls on the 11th of Tishrei?" the congregants all asked. "The 11th of Tishrei is the day after Yom Kippur. And this is the holiest day of the year because it is the day that we begin to see if we really intended to keep any of the promises we made."

For those of you who aren't Jewish and/or who don't know about Yom Kippur, it is a very holy day for the Jewish people. It comes 10 days after the Jewish New Year, and it is on this day that the Jews ask God for forgiveness for any and all sins committed. The 25-hour period that is spent worshipping, fasting, and reflecting on the past year is intended to encourage an inner change, a "return to living life as God expects of us". The disciplines of the day [fasting and worshipping] are intended to encourage us to restrain ourselves from our "drives," such as hunger, sex or anger - so that through the Rabbi's sermon and reading scripture, we can be guided toward a more meaningful way of life.

What caught my attention and inspired this babble is the idea of intention. Did I follow through on my promise?

What do I promise myself and fail at consistently? To eat healthy. How many times have I promised myself that "today's the day I'm going to start my diet", or in the past 10 years, to eat healthier, and cut out processed foods? I have said this sentence [or something like it] so many times in my life, and so many times, I have let myself down. When I started working on this babble, I thought about gluttony compared to other sins - like disrespect to one's elders, arrogance, envy, wantonness, greed, disregard for other's property, and so on. I don't mean to belittle the day of Yom Kippur by raising gluttony to the most sinful. I am just sharing how the Rabbi's pre story about "following through" made me think of my past [and sometimes present] failures with dieting.

During the service on the evening before Yom Kippur, we say something like this.... Look at us G-d, see what miserable sinners we are. We make promises to live better each year and yet we always seem to fall far short of keeping those promises. We ask you G-d to pardon us for our shortcomings.

Well, when it comes to dieting and eating healthy, we don't need to ask G-d for forgiveness. We don't need to ask for forgiveness from anyone but ourselves. We need to accept that we are weak in the arms of a canoli, and move on. We need to accept that the aroma of cookies baking in the oven make our hearts go pitter patter, and move on. It's all about our INTENTION. If our intentions are good and true, then we can start again to honor our bodies by feeding them in a healthy way.

So this is what I've learned, and this is how I try to treat myself. I don't harp on my weakness for sweets. I make mistakes. I eat unhealthy foods. Instead of insulting my inability to stay in control, I am instead, kind and understanding. This is how I would treat another person who has "slipped". The 11th of Tishrei can be every day in the life of a "dieter". Yom Kippur is a day to reflect on the values and responsibilities to yourself, as well as to the world. As my rabbi says in his chat, you aren't a hypocrite if you truly believe and intend to change. He says, "...that we need to realize the divine potential that we each possess, and to take the steps needed to make our good intentions come to fruition."

Quote of the Day: "Your life is not meant to get easier, it is meant to take on new and greater responsibilities. This is the pathway to self-fulfillment and self-worth." Dr. John Demartini - healer, trainer, writer