Sunday, April 18, 2010

# 98 If You're Not Ready, It Ain't Going To Happen

My son passed his driving test yesterday. He is 17 years and 3 months old. Here in Pennsylvania, a person can get their permit at 16. After six months of driving with one's parents and/or taking lessons, the teenager can take the driving test. Fifteen months ago, when Logan turned 16 years old, he had no interest in getting his permit. He had some fears and worries, and truly, was just not ready. Not wanting to push him, but at the same time not wanting him not to do something because of fear or anxiety, Marc and I told him he should wait until spring when the weather would be better and the roads would be safer. In April, he still wasn't ready, but I gently nudged him along until I lost my patience and told him that I was taking him on Friday at 2:00 [he was off from school] and that he should spend the morning taking practice tests on line. We went. He passed. I think he celebrated with a water ice.

I could give you a blow-by-blow of the months leading up to yesterday, but suffice it to say, he practiced driving, but was never one of those kids who asked, "hey mom, can I drive?". Logan was quite content being the passenger. For his 16th birthday, my inlaws bought him some driving lessons. Again, he wasn't jumping up and down with excitement, but he took the lessons and learned. The instructor was a gem and had the patience of a saint. About six months after getting his permit, Logan took the driving test and failed. Trust me when I say I was more upset than he was.

Here's the point. He wasn't ready!! Some boys at 16 are emotionally ready for this big step into adulthood, and some are not. Like everything in his life, Logan did this at his own pace. He learned to ride a bicycle a little later than some and earlier than others. He learned to tie his shoes in the same fashion. When he failed the driving test for the first time, he deserved to fail. He was not a good driver and the examiner saw it right away. When he passed this time, it was a cinch. He was ready in every way.

What this experience has reinforced for me is that when we are not fully engaged and ready to take on a task/job/project, from soup to nuts, it ain't going to happen. This totally relates to my Trevose Behavior Modification group. For new members, there are lots of rules. For example, you must come to the meetings every Tuesday, you must keep a food journal, you must get weighed at each meeting, and the most important rule of all, on the last meeting day of the month you must have lost the number of pounds you were told to lose at the beginning of the month [for maintainers, they must be within 90% of their goal]. Very simple. The members who follow these rules are successful. My leaders have been in the group for 16 and 18 years respectively. This spring, it will be 10 years for me.

The fact is you can't succeed until the time is right... for you! The commitment has to be for you and you alone. You can't lose weight successfully if it's to make someone else happy; This is your happy. Many people join our group, but not all succeed. Like Logan, they wanted to "get their license", but were kind of wishy washy about how to get there and were not consistent in their actions. They made a commitment, but their hearts weren't' fully in it.

Here's the punch line, don't be too hard on yourself if you fail your driver's test or fall off the diet wagon. When you are ready and willing to fully commit to your goal, success is just around the corner. No one can tell you when the time is right. You will know.

Good luck in all your endeavors!

By the way, just in case you were worried, Logan proofed this babble and gave me his permission to post it.

Quote of the Day: "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up" Vince Lombardi, football coach


Michael Rivers said...

Very true! When the time is right, things fall into place. This weekend I saw my niece. She turns 13 in May. She said she can't wait for next year so she can start driving. I had to play the tough uncle and tell her she wouldn't be doing that. Not yet. LOL.

Jeanie said...

It sounds like you have a wise young man there who could teach all a lot. Your correlation with weight loss or any other effort in our lives is spot on.

Chris H said...

Congrats to your son on passing his test. And I totally agree on the points raised. You have to be ready to do 'it' and be doing it for yourself and no one else.

Darren said...

Great friend recently wanted me to talk to his mother about losing weight. I told him it wouldn't do any good until she's ready to HEAR it. You have to be ready for all your own reasons before it will happen.Simply put... when you are ready for the lesson the teacher appears!

Weighting Around said...

Congratulations to your son! He looks terrific in his suit and tie! And, of course, you are right on track about being ready. We can't push until ourselves until our feet are willing to move forward. Wise post!