#5

I've recently taken on the job of class of 1980 correspondent for my high school. Our class president said that he had had enough [he's been doing the job since 1980] and with 4 kids and a busy job, he just didn't have the time anymore. I willingly stepped in since I've been "jobless" for about 30 months now and I don't see anything on the horizon. Anyway, with all this emailing to update addresses and forward school information, I've been communicating with people who I haven't spoken to since the last reunion or since high school.

All these old memories are popping up like crazy. Some good ones like when I received an email from my first boyfriend that just said, "hi bobbie', and others that, well... aren't so good. Remember how we were in such a hurry to grow up and experience the world? We drove, talked, ate, played and lived with no fear, well at least without the fear of knowing the consequences. I think "naive" would be the best word. We thought we knew it all... and we did know a lot to a certain extent, but mostly we were probably clueless.

One of my memories is wearing a tiny yellow bikini with abandon. I was more worried about it showing too much than worried about how I looked in it. What a notion!! Another memory I have is me drag racing my car Bertha against my friend's red corvette. I knew that driving that fast was dangerous and if caught, I would get a ticket, but at 18 you feel you are indestructible. Wouldn't it be great to have that freedom back? We just did things, we didn't always weigh [and I use that word for good reason] the right and wrong, the good and bad, the fair or unfair. We just did it. I know we are now mature women with children, husbands, animals and households to care for, but wouldn't it be nice to just go shopping with a friend and stop to get ice cream because you just want it? No "babble" in your head of: what did I already eat today, what am I having for dinner, was I good yesterday, did I drink enough water today, is it too close to lunch or dinner, what's tomorrow look like, how are my pants fitting, etc? Wouldn't that be nice? And this doesn't have to be about food. What about curling up and reading for a couple of hours without worrying about your "chores"? That's what you would have done back then. There was no rush....

I think we need to ALLOW ourselves a little bit of high school to come back into our lives. Not those bad memories of boyfriends long gone [good riddance] or braces or pimples, but those high school moments that let us just be us. I know that there were many self conscious hours spent during high school, but try to remember those times that you felt totally free of pressure or doubt or whatever. Enjoy that memory and try to bring a little bit back with you. Bring that smile and light hearted feeling back and try to find moments like that in your life now. Be present enough to feel that feeling with clueless abandon..... even if it's just for a minute or two.