#96 X-Rated Acrobatics

I'm exhausted. I wish I could say that my sleep is being cut short by my nightly hot and amorous love sessions, but alas, no. It's a different kind of hot. I, at 47 years old, have the night sweats, although truthfully, I don't sweat. I wake up from a deep sleep as if I am the furnace heating something as large as the Pentagon... in mid winter. There is no sweating, just a burning hot feeling, like roasting-on-a-skewer. I throw the sheet and quilt off in one fell swoop. Later, my pajama bottoms follow; sometimes my top. Then I try to fall back asleep, just to be awoken -- chilled. The sheet goes back on. A little later, the quilt follows. Then the dance starts again. I may get a few hours of "good" sleep, but in between those wonderful moments, I'm awake either covering or stripping - no sweating. Just HEAT. Why wear pajamas at all? Well, here's the paradoxical weird peri-menopausal thing; I go to bed shivering, sometimes with chattering teeth... I am COLD.

I'm in pain. And it's not that my workouts are so strenuous either. Yes, my tight hamstring makes touching my toes painful, and yes, my old rotator cuff injury to my right shoulder hurts if I play too much tennis, but this pain is different. I wake up with it. This "new" pain is in my neck, around both my shoulders and my elbows. I considered that perhaps I was causing these problems with all my pulling on and pushing off of the sheet and quilt. However, after going to my chiropractor and listening to one of my neighbors tell me about her aches and pains, I realized that I was injuring myself in my sleep. I shared my ordeal with Janice, my tennis buddy, and when I expected her to laugh, she didn't. Rather, she told me that she wears wrist guards to bed so that she can't bend her wrists while she is sleeping. Instead of her laughing, I laughed.... all the way to the drugstore to purchase my own wrist guards. Guess what? They work. For the past week, I've only had one night of elbow pain. Ironically, that elbow pain was due to one of my "heat sessions" -- I was so hot I even ripped those babies off.

Try to picture this sleeping beauty -- I climb into bed with my wrists wrapped and velcro'd straight, wearing my retainer [an orthodontic device], my night time moisturizer [which if you tried plant a kiss on my cheek, you'd slide off ending with your nose in my ear], my comfy fluffy all cotton jammies, and sometimes, socks.

Ok, the truth -- everything you just read is a lie. Here's the real story. I'm sleep deprived and injured because my wonderful husband finds all that clothing and hardware so arousing and stimulating that our nights are spent performing x-rated acrobatics -- LOL

Quote of the Day: "CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAN YOUR ROOM?!?!? THIS MONTH?!?!?!" Bobbie Rothman, Mother