Wednesday, March 31, 2010

#96 X-Rated Acrobatics

I'm exhausted. I wish I could say that my sleep is being cut short by my nightly hot and amorous love sessions, but alas, no. It's a different kind of hot. I, at 47 years old, have the night sweats, although truthfully, I don't sweat. I wake up from a deep sleep as if I am the furnace heating something as large as the Pentagon... in mid winter. There is no sweating, just a burning hot feeling, like roasting-on-a-skewer. I throw the sheet and quilt off in one fell swoop. Later, my pajama bottoms follow; sometimes my top. Then I try to fall back asleep, just to be awoken -- chilled. The sheet goes back on. A little later, the quilt follows. Then the dance starts again. I may get a few hours of "good" sleep, but in between those wonderful moments, I'm awake either covering or stripping - no sweating. Just HEAT. Why wear pajamas at all? Well, here's the paradoxical weird peri-menopausal thing; I go to bed shivering, sometimes with chattering teeth... I am COLD.

I'm in pain. And it's not that my workouts are so strenuous either. Yes, my tight hamstring makes touching my toes painful, and yes, my old rotator cuff injury to my right shoulder hurts if I play too much tennis, but this pain is different. I wake up with it. This "new" pain is in my neck, around both my shoulders and my elbows. I considered that perhaps I was causing these problems with all my pulling on and pushing off of the sheet and quilt. However, after going to my chiropractor and listening to one of my neighbors tell me about her aches and pains, I realized that I was injuring myself in my sleep. I shared my ordeal with Janice, my tennis buddy, and when I expected her to laugh, she didn't. Rather, she told me that she wears wrist guards to bed so that she can't bend her wrists while she is sleeping. Instead of her laughing, I laughed.... all the way to the drugstore to purchase my own wrist guards. Guess what? They work. For the past week, I've only had one night of elbow pain. Ironically, that elbow pain was due to one of my "heat sessions" -- I was so hot I even ripped those babies off.

Try to picture this sleeping beauty -- I climb into bed with my wrists wrapped and velcro'd straight, wearing my retainer [an orthodontic device], my night time moisturizer [which if you tried plant a kiss on my cheek, you'd slide off ending with your nose in my ear], my comfy fluffy all cotton jammies, and sometimes, socks.

Ok, the truth -- everything you just read is a lie. Here's the real story. I'm sleep deprived and injured because my wonderful husband finds all that clothing and hardware so arousing and stimulating that our nights are spent performing x-rated acrobatics -- LOL

Quote of the Day: "CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAN YOUR ROOM?!?!? THIS MONTH?!?!?!" Bobbie Rothman, Mother


Chris H said...

O Gawd.. I can so relate to this!
I know the feeling soooo well!
I have tried many ways to get cooler at night... cos for a while there I was waking every 20 minutes burning up! I was even having nightmares, which all involved erupting volcanes, fires burning etc... caused by my hot flushes!
Thankfully I only get 2-3 a night now...

My Dr gave me sleeping pills to help me sleep through them... it helped for a while.
Now... not so much.
There is no answer to them... except drugs I suppose. I tried HRT too for a few months.. didn't work.
I've been told of several 'natural' remedies too... but I simply can't be bothered trying them. I will just ride it out.
All the best with the hot burning face! My feet burn too.... what fun.

I've been told we can go through this for YEARS.... shoot me now!

I am coming back as a BOY. *sniff*

Darren said...

I can't comment on this one... I can only sympathize with you. smile

Jeanie said...

It is funny to see men's responses to this kind of post. Those x-rated acrobatics have got to be great calorie burners. You need to show us a pic of you all ready for a good night's sleep.

Anonymous said...

I have temp regulation problems sometimes at night, I'm only 41. It's going to suck when it really gets going. I get a giggle thinking of your nighttime get-up, sorry, and even more of one thinking of how turned on it gets your man! :-)